well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
