Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
