The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
