yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
