i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize