Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
