I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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