Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
