You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
