I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Randomize
