She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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