Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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