she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
