Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
