4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
