I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
