OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
