you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
