My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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