After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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