oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
