I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
