now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
