I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
