thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
