big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
