My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
