Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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