So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
