My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
