the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Blood and glitter go together right?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize