Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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