and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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