bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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