Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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