he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
