Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
