Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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