I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
