This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
