now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize