Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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