4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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