Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
