It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
