honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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