Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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