I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
