ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
