mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
