I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
