i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
only if we run a train.
done.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
