I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
