apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Randomize
