Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
