Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
