Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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