Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
