I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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