When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
