it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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