I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
