lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
