it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Is Oprah even human
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
